I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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