My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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