This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
