i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Randomize
