i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
