hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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