hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
where am i from again
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
