im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
