Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.