I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??