I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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