That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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