I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
