imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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