Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
