Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I could make wine with my vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize