But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Come share oat with me in your robe
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
