I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Randomize
