I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My liver just had a heart attack.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
