Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
vagina is talking i cant
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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