Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just pee around me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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