Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
