Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
