I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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