I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
