i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Let's paint friendship bongs
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
