she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
