I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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