Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
BRING THE BAGELS
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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