you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
