mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
