not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
