You can't special order awesome
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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