"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
