he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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