Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
