do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I will pee on everything he values.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
