i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
