She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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