Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
