I can text with my tongue
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
