Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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