watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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