Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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