I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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