took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
