You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
