If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
