I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
