just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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