He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
