She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
