I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
