the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
are you so shy because you have an std?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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