i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
