She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
