I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
