How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
