i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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