i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
