is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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