Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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