I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
