He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
