found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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