Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
