im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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