my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
