you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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