this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
