So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
