I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
