Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
