Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
