He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
