Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
