Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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