whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
