Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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