i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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