So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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