I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
