Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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