i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
