I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The feeling are messing with the penis
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
