oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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