FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The feeling are messing with the penis
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
