At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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