Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
